Movies, cinema, theater whatever you call it, we all know it. Movies are everywhere and since the advent of such new-fangled devices as personal camcorders, personal computers, and (my personal favorite) the Internet (aka, interwebs, world wide web, the place with the thing and the people and stuff, you know), everywhere literally means Every Where. There are home movies (More of the Grand Canyon Grandma???), wedding videos (Aww... how sweet.), birth videos (Aww.. how-OH MY GOD!!!), video clips (from cell phones that quickly become), viral videos, but perhaps my favorite of all forms of film is the theater showing of feature films. It's great entertainment for the whole family. Right?
Maybe, but there are things that all the good intentions in the world cannot influence. One of those things is spontaneously taking a one-year-old and a three-year-old to see a movie by yourself. Why, oh why (I seem to be asking myself that a lot these days) did I think this was a good idea. Point 1- Movie theaters on Saturdays are generally a bad idea. Point 2-Small children in movie theaters is generally a bad idea. Point 3- The two to one child to parent ratio at the movie theater is generally a bad idea. Even if two negatives made a positive, we'd still be at a Bad Idea. Even if you have the forethought to bring appropriate drinks (Mama, I want juice. In my Transformers cup!!! No wait, wait, I want milk. No, juice) and love items for said children (monsters), you're still probably at a bad idea.
How do I know, you ask. I know because my road to hell is paved with the good intentions that just didn't seem to influence my children's behavior at the movie theater. Saturday. By myself.
During the two thoroughly exciting hours we spent at our local cineplex, we wore 3D glasses, took off 3D glasses, lost 3D glasses, went to the bathroom three times, flashed little boy butt to the ladies restroom, ate popcorn, fought over popcorn, choked on popcorn, ate candy, fought over candy, dropped candy, dropped popcorn, dropped sippy cup, chased sippy cup down aisle, lost sippy cup in theater, dropped other child's cup, found other child's cup, spilled popcorn, dropped more popcorn, argued with brother, argued with sister and generally caused a ruckus. Honestly, I'm surprised we didn't get kicked out.
You know, in the movie Annie, they make it look so easy to take your kid to the movies. It's all lies. Children do not like to wear 3D glasses or share their popcorn or sit still for the last half hour of the movie (no matter how many times you tell them that they have to wait for the lights to come on so Mama can "FIND YOUR CUP!!!").
So, if you're at the theater and you hear some poor woman screaming "Why, God, why did I think this was a good idea?!?", you'll know it was some poor misguided mother who thought her children would enjoy going to the movies (because Annie was good).
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