Am I a bad mother or just an exceptional crazy person?

So, in case you didn't know, I'm a writer. Not insofar as success is concerned, but that I put words on paper and think the world needs to read them. Narcissist much?

But anyway, I just got my first peer review for this story I wrote once when the girl pulled effing Zebra Cakes out of her bed. You know Zebra Cakes right? Little Debbie snacks. White cake, white filling, white frosting, just enough brown striping to make it a politically correct snack. I mean, we can't have any racist snack cakes up in her'. So I thought, "STORYOMG!!!111" And that, children, is where stories come from.

I liked this so much, I sent it off to professionals for their professional assessment. Turns out, it's shit. But that's neither here nor there. The point I wish to make at the present, is that the person reviewing my manuscript as a peer, said something about "a neglected child hording frogs in her bed." Neglected?

So I posit this question to you, dear reader:

Am I a bad mother or am I just quite exceptional at being a neurotic narcissist with delusions of grandeur?

And as a side note, can anyone ever read/hear the phrase "delusions of grandeur" without thinking of Han Solo? Seriously.

Writers are, by definition, self deprecating narcissists. And I am, as previously mentioned, a writer. So (get your math hats on) If A=B and B=C then C must certainly be an asshat. Is asshat one word or two. Asshat? Ass Hat? And what if it's plural? Asses hat? Ass hats? Or just ass hat like moose? Boxen. Squirrel!

I mean I can barely get through a day without somebody flashing something inappropriate. For instance, today while trying to take a shower, The Girl got told on about three times for various things, not the least of which was flashing her vagina to the living room. The Boy had a friend over. It was not awesome. Also, there was salsa on the floor. Like smeared on the floor. Fan-freaking-tastic.

And just now. Just now, I had to tell her to go back to her room. She could take her Easy Bake oven spatula with her. It's not heaven, you CAN take it with you, so GoOOOOOO!!! AHHHHHH!!!

Now I want to yell about Easy Bake ovens. Seriously, who wants a whoopee pie the size of a nickel baked under a lightbulb? They taste like crap too. SMH FML OMGWTFBBQ Ugh...