That being said, I also feel like cat dirt most of the time and my ... times of the month... are a bear. Not the cute little Coca-Cola polar bear from my youth, like a ravenous, man eating, blood thirsty grizzly bear. So I was thinking... Self, do you suppose that perhaps, eating all this chemically derived shit posing as food has something to do with the fact that you're fat and losing your marbles? Why yes, Self, I think that may be the ticket. And so here we are... stuck between a Tastycake and a hamburger.
I have a friend who recently did this whole 30 thing where you like only eat whole foods but no dairy, gluten, or sugar. It worked out well for her so I thought, what the hay, hey! Then I went, waitaminute, Self, What are we doing? And Self, who was moderately freaking out, replied, I DUNNO MAN, I DUNNO. I'M FREAKIN OUT MAN, I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS BRO. THIS IS A BAD IDEA... And so here were are again. Twinkies and potato chips
But this time, I thought, Self, you can't just sit on your fat arse and do nothing, and clearly the post-it note you put on the fridge ordering you to "Walk Away Fatty" hasn't helped, so you should take a step. So I've decided to cold turkey quit Diet Coke. ZOMG!!! I'm pretty sure I'm gonna go into convulsions any time now, and I may or may not have been disowned by my othermother. It seems to be my nicotine. I quit, then I fall off the wagon, then I quit, then I swan dive off the wagon into a Coca-Cola factory and drown in the stuff. But this time is different... Yeah... Different.
I used to be a vegetarian/vegan. It started out well enough, but did you know that French fries and Diet Coke are vegan? I did... So I consumed. If there is a stereotypical example of the American plagued by junk food, even though she knows way better, it is me. I am that example.
So here I am, stuck in the middle of sweet tea and some spaghetti. That's burning right now.
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