It's been previously established that I am a writer, primarily of unsuccessful children's books, and as such, it is a necessity that I have a novel in progress. All good writers do. And in writing said novel, I've come across many roadblocks. Sixty thousand words is a LOT. I don't like writing dialogue. The kids zombie drink my brains. Seriously, I'm not so sure but what one of my curls isn't a crazy straw. Writer's block. Feeling like I'm shit, and this is a shit novel, and I am a shit writer and no one reads shit novels from shit writers who haven't even gotten their shit published. And so on and so forth.
However, recently, I've come across a particularly sensitive issue... one might call it "delicate", "unmentionable", "unsavory"... "skeezy". I had to write a sex scene. I seriously had more trouble coming up for the idea for the novel than I did the language of the sex scene. So I did what any normal person would do, I asked my friends via Facebook. I was greeted with suggestions that were unhelpful, bizarre, and hilarious, but all reminded me of that part in 10 Things I Hate About You. I used to know all the words to that movie. Sigh... Ah hem. Anyway, I was saying... Oh yes...
And no one wants to be like that lady. No one. My guess is not even the people who write that garbage. But then I was thinking about all the hubbub with Fifty Shades of Grey. Full Disclaimer here: I HAVE NOT READ IT NOR DO I INTEND TO. IT IS SIMPLY NOT MY CUP OF TEA NO MATTER HOW COMPELLING MY MOM TELLS ME THE STORY IS. Yeah, and guys read Playboy for the articles. That's why Hef has surrounded himself with the most intelligent women of the time. I'm hoping you're picking up on the sarcasm. That being said, I've heard a lot about the "crappy writing" in this book and how "she can't even say penis". Right well, let me write you a scene with the word "penis" in it.
She kissed him until his penis filled with blood, stiffening enough to penetrate her vagina.
Romantic, eh? So if your problem is that E. L. James doesn't use the word "penis", shut up. Let me show you by this flow chart I made in paint.
No, I don't care if Lady Gaga says it is. It isn't. She is not a reputable source, she wears dresses made of meat. She wears dead cow carcasses. She is the Hannibal Lector of pop, and yes, I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time.
But anyway, I went with generalities such as "She took him inside her" and "wrapped her lips around him". I'm gonna call success on this one.
And also, just for fun...
PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS!!!
I had the same issue . My book is on a pin drive . I used the word penis . I refuse to read Fifty shades of Gray . It not hard to write a compelling story about sex , its hard to write a compelling story about life as we know it .
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