Curse words-apotamus

I'm a writer. Writers like words. WTF right??? So anyway, words have power, but they also take away power. It's magic!!!

Demetri Martin is awesome. Like for real funny. He had this show on Comedy Central, and he was talking about the power of words. Like how if you add DJ to someone's name, they lose power. Example:

DJ Abraham Lincoln. 

 

Would you follow that fool's advice. Nah, you'd be all like, spin another track top hat, and he'd scratch up the Gettysburg Address or something. It's one of my favorite joke type things of all time.

So today, we're hanging out, the boy takes my seat. So, naturally I call him Jerkapotamus. You know, because what self respecting mother doesn't call her kid names. He goes, “Hey, I'm not a jerk.” I said, “I didn't say you were a jerk, I said jerkAPOTAMUS.” Which struck up a conversation between me and the hubs about making up words. You can add -apotamus to anything and it doesn't sound so bad. I suggested Hubs use it as a nice way to hate his coworkers with doucheapotamus.

I'm also a big fan of creating curse words. The Brits curse brilliantly! I love them. Sodding and cocking and bleeding. They're great! Though some of my favorites are homegrown, f***tard, f***sicles, assbutt. The list goes on and on.

But seeing as how I live in a house of tiny, people concentrate, I have to use word substitutions. I get my curse words from Orbit gum commercials... then turn them into door mats. What the french, toast?

 

Some I get from Adventure Time. Who the fluff are you? What the lump?

 

 

I've never used “smurf” though, which seems a shame because it has such potential. Smurfitty smurf smurfin' smurfapotamus!