Goddammit

I have a friend, we'll call her No. 5. She thinks I'm hysterical. Not for my awesome sense of humor or the self deprecating way I make jokes. No, it's mostly because I fall on my arse and make a general idiot of myself. A lot. We've taken to calling these “Goddammit moments” because every time something happens, she shakes her head, laughs and says, “Goddammit”. If I ever actually made our life into a sitcom, it would have to be one for like HBO so it could be called Goddammit.

Like one day while I was sick. It's okay, I just had Turkey. I was talking and I had this hellacious cough and every time I coughed I peed a little. No 5 chose that particular moment to cough and pee for like the first time ever. I'm like, “Aw honey, don't worry about it, I've been peeing myself for weeks.” She's all “Goddammit” and starts laughing and then gets all flustered because she just peed and is laughing and peeing and it's just a hot mess.

But... perhaps the best Goddammit moment EVER was the time I picked out Halloween costumes for me and the hubs. We were gonna swashbucklin'est pirates this side of Tortuga.

 

 

 

Actually, it was the only thing we could find that fit all our criteria: pants, matching, and the right size. It is surprisingly difficult to find an adult women's Halloween costume with pants. But we did it. The buggers even came with hats! I love me a good hat. Especially as a pirate. But I was so excited that not only did we have costumes that matched, but I also knew where to get my hands on a freakin' sword! With costumes in hand, and flip flops on foot, I took off running toward the aisle with swords. A few things happened all at once, the slippery pant leg of one of the costumes dragged the floor, my foot fell on the fabric, and I was still running. I ate it. Hard. I busted my arse on the floor of the store, my flip flop flew down an aisle, and the hubs and No 5 were standing back laughing. It was epic. All my however many pounds fallin flat on the floor, shoe airborne toward the q-tips, amidst a cloud of laughter, and you guessed it, “Goddammit.”