Eww... It's Green!!!

Food. It nourishes and sustains us. It drives us. We crave it. We eat when we're happy (birthday cake), when we're sick (chicken soup and call me in the morning) and when we're stressed (that stash of chocolate in the back of the freezer/pantry/drawer/canister) It comes in all forms: natural, processed, meat, non-meat, really non-meat and whatever's in the pantry. People choose foods based on region, age, season and mood, but there's one faction of people who have completely different criteria.

Kids. Tiny humans who seem to choose foods based on the respective food's macaroni-and-cheese-iness or peanut-butter-and-jelly-ness. They also seem to show an aversion to the color green. (I'm really not surprised that Heinz quit making green ketchup.) Parenting books refer to this enigma as a "food jag". I refer to this as an "I can't take them yelling at me about something else right now and I'm pretty sure they won't die from it so okay".

However, we do occasionally catch them off their guard in one bright, shining moment of "eat a pepper" or "I like it". We all know those moments. It's when the clouds open up and choirs of angels look down upon you while singing something like "ahhhhhh". It's the sound of victory. Besides, there are at least three food groups in a pb&j. Bread, nuts and fruit... yeah, fruit.

Just the Average All-American Family

with 2.4 kids and a dog.

I'm not a physician or a scientist or savvy with anatomy, but it seems to me that .4 kids is probably a little difficult to make. That's not even my point. The main point here is the dog. Really? Two point four kids AND a dog. The All-American family has clearly not observed the canine-like activities of 2.4 kids.

I've considered getting a dog. Even done it once. What I discovered is that I already had enough dog-like goings-on and that a dog was too much like a kid. Don't be mad. Just think about it. They all whine when they want to go outside. They all pee on the floor. They eat weird stuff. Sometimes they even all play in the toilet. There are times when none of them wants to take a bath. And there's the whole issue of being slobbered on. My conclusion was "Holy Crap!!! Our kids are dogs!!!"

Not that there's much wrong with that, I mean they are man's best friend. (the dog, not the kids) All I'm saying is that they could at least have a kennel for your kids when you go on vacation.

Vacuumed to Wonderland

Since the mid-1800's, people have been vacuuming their rugs and carpets. There have been many innovations in vacuuming since then from the one that looks like a missile to the one that weighs eight pounds and still picks up a bowling ball to the one that turns on a ball with (said in a British accent) "patented cyclone technology". The one thing they all have in common is that they bring about a very interesting response in children.

I have discovered that my kids (and their friends) have inexplicable reactions to vacuum cleaners. As soon as I get it out, the kids run away (in the fashion of Monty Python and the Holy Grail), but a few short, noisy minutes later, they're back for a sparring match with cleanliness. (Wow, that describes so much more than this.)

There can only be a few reasons for this reaction.

Reason 1- They're afraid of loud noises. Rebuttal- I've met them, that's definitely Not it.

Reason 2- They're afraid that they'll get sucked into Wonderland so they run away, but then come back when they remember that Alice got to eat cake. Rebuttal- They're not too fond of the Jabberwocky, so that's probably not it.

Reason 3- They're just plain weird. Period. No rebuttal.

I assume that most children apply to Reason 3, but I'd like #2 if that's alright. I've always wondered what the caterpillar's smoking...

The nudist colony at 107

People have been wearing clothes since Adam and Eve ate the dumb apple. Aside from the mass amounts of laundry it produces, I am a fan of wearing clothes. It has turned into a way for us to express ourselves and to portray who we are while still covering your butt (in most cases at least). My daughter seems to greatly disagree. Emphatically even.

At any given time, there will be a naked baby running around my house. As we speak, she's on my lap making this post three things: 1. difficult to type, 2. way too realistic, and 3. a little creepy.

I don't understand the need to be nude that she has. I'm not sure if it's innate, learned or she just thinks pants are for losers. She likes to pick out clothes, likes to dress up, likes to be "Pretty Emmie", but only sometimes.

Its not usually a problem... until we have a playdate. With a boy. (Oh boy.) But for now, I'm just going to say it's her telling me she needs to start potty training. (it's how mommies play pretend.) At least there will be one less person's laundry to wash.